You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
someone get that fucking seahorse.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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