i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
