I'm so fucking centered right now
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
These tits shall not be calmed
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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