I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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