he thought i was a dude.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
