the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
