Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
