my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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