Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
