I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
