Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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