Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
