Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
