in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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