New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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