Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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