I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
