I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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