Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize