Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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