It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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