What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize