apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
