Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
