Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
