OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
