I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
