I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
