you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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