This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Success! We fucked roommates!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
