If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I need to stop coming to work sober
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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