So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize