I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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