Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
