help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
