Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do vagina's smell?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
