Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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