too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
