My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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