I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
