You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
