it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
