I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
