I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
