why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize