He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
