My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
