I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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