I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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