I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
