Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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