i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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