just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Houston, we have a squirter
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize