she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize