I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
