It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
