You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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