I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
