Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize