Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
