Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
