I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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