I looked at my own cervix.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize