It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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