I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
