3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
How's work?
Spinning.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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