Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
